burning bridges - 1

If there is one thing you will find out about me as you get to know me better it is that I seem to leave a trail of destruction in my wake. I have increasingly been burning my bridges in a most spectacular fashion. I seem to delight in making life as difficult and lonely as I possibly can. I clearly fear intimacy and have deep distrust of people... especially as they ingratiate themselves get closer to me. So, what follows is not the first, and neither will it be the last.

It is a coincidence that fellow bloggee madabandon also posted this morning about an email he sent. His is sensitive and despairing with a gentle disappointment. My email of this morning could not be more different.

[Edit: madabandon deleted above email from his weblog]

I haven't edited it, nor provided any context. So you'll not understand the Who or Why. [Hang on: the 'who' is the person P had an affair with, and whom I told to Get Fucked in this post.] I'm just bracing myself for the Bad Karma Backlash. I guess, ultimately, that is why I do these things. Ah... self-flagellation, oh joy.

FFS. If you are trying to tell me that you wrote "every two days" in January... what... a... total... lie. You know you wrote once a fortnight/week. Woman, you are either deluded or a compulsive liar. Do not ever contact me again. Never. You have lost all my respect. What a deluded pitiful little liar you are. No wonder Paul had an affair with a dental nurse. My God... look at the alternative. I left the country so that he could wallow in what he had done: starting up with you. And it Worked A Dream.

I have put a block on your email so I will simply not get any more of your self-delusion and lies. I was desperate when I was friends with you, but I am no longer. I no longer have time for your garbled emails, and now your litany of lies.

LEAVE ME ALONE you pathetic individual. And don't send me any of your stupid scrawled notes from your spoilt brat who expects a "gift" in every parcel I send you yet when he receives one (birthday) just for him he/you take 2 months to say 'thank you'. What a spoilt little shit.

Fuck off you liar and get out of my life. I am sick of your lies. Find someone else's fiance to have an affair/child with. Leave me alone.

Completely unpleasant. I'm not sure how I feel about having written it. I don't want to think about that.